This Is How I Feel Today...
Once she stepped off the bus and started towards her apartment, she felt a sudden sadness begin to engulf her. The fifty feet to her door seemed to be a mile long. And her usual long strides were short and dragging. The unseasonable warm weather didn't help her sulken mood. She didn’t want to face what was ahead of her but she knew she had no choice.
As she ascended the five steps to the front door of her apartment building, she let out a hearty sigh. She felt she’d prolong her descent into the abyss by checking her mail. Nothing but bills and advertisements. The only people who knew her in the outside world were the electric company, Sprint and Geico – you could save up to 20%.
She turned and looked at the seven stairs that lead to her loneliness. She turned to the door, contemplating running, but she realized she had no where to go. This was her only refuge and it was beginning to feel like a prison. Or worse yet, purgatory where she was left to feel the weight and pain of her loneliness. She didn't want to think about the sudden decision she made that lead her to this place and this emptiness.
So she let her purse drop from her shoulder to her hand and she walked towards the steps and reached for the rail. She ascended the stairs and walked towards her apartment door. With her keys in her hand, she moved to put the key in the deadbolt lock. The key, understanding her frustration, didn’t want to go into the lock. This only added to her angst. She hastily unlocked the deadbolt and then the handle lock and quickly entered her apartment.
With the door shut and locked behind her, the loneliness she felt coming down her hit her like a ton of bricks. She went through the kitchen and threw down her purse and bag on the dining room floor. She ripped her coat off and exhaled, that’s when the tears began to pour from her eyes. Here was a woman who on the outside appeared so together and yet she was falling apart, alone.
The other day I was talking to a friend who went to a seminar. She explained to me that we all have our place in life and in our family. You are a healer. You fix and heal the problems of others.
This is a lonely commitment we make to others. Take it from one who knows. We can't heal or fix every problem that the people we know, love and care about have. No one's shoulders are that big.
It's our strengths that ultimately becomes our weakness as we grow older, more meddlesome and less appreciated for the help, healing and the bandaids we dole out over the years.
Live, Laugh and Love. Travel! Do the things in life that you have longed to do. It's okay to be selfish and do you.
I believe that once you reach the path marked "that's not my problem" turn right and go down the street and turn left onto the street marked "Oh, I'm sorry that's happening to you".
Then go a half mile and make a u-turn once in the cul de sac marked "I'm sure you'll work that out" You will find some real happiness.
Then and only then, I am sure your will learn to embrace your new home on a street called "I am free to be me!" I believe that all of your pain and lonliness will go away.
I love you "Baby Girl" and as a reformed healer, trust me, it's the way to go! (Comment this)
Maybe you'll read or see something on TV or hear from a friend that will just crack you up laughing.
REAPER always does that for me on Tuesday nights. Or think of someone naked like John McCain. That's always good for a shock to the system. Anyway, you're always busy so I suspect their are moments when it all catches up on you. But the "busy-i-ness" is also a good therapy for fighting the negative emotions we all feel. Keep going. Run. Call people and annoy them. The outlets for your emotions are all there for you to take and explore. And you'll discover there is a positive outcome. Reverend Doug (Comment this)