Is White Right?
My girlfriend e-mailed me and told me of a reporter looking to interview black women in the Northern Virginia area who date white men. Now, something like this can go one of two ways – it could bash black women for selling out or it could bash black men for shutting us out. And had I been in any other mood, I would have never responded so quickly to the idea.
But with little encouragement, I sent an e-mail and got the ball rolling.
Now, I don’t know if I was the only person in the area to be interviewed or if I was the most “intriguing” or the one with the best angle – black mother not wanting her little princess to taint her doorstep with a “Biff.”
Whatever it was, it propelled me into an overnight celebrity. I am not one to ever shy away from attention, but this was no attention I would ever be interested in.
I’m a pretty laid back sista with a little Barbie in my blood, but I’m always down for the cause when the cause makes sense. So, I never really thought too much about dating anyone who wanted to go out with me. I mean, my only criteria is that you are NOT a serial killer and if you are, you have the decency to tell me and let me decide whether or not we should continue dating.
In other words, I’m pretty easy.
Funny thing, I remember the day that the reporter called me to interview. It was on a Wednesday and I was preparing to attend another single’s event – cause I wanted to put me out there. I sat in my car on Pennsylvania Avenueand I answered her questions and I gave my philosophies and opinions.
Prior to speaking to her, I happened to receive a call from one of my “paramours.” He was a “Tom” and I needed to discuss some professional choices with him. While talking to him, I mentioned that I was going to be interviewed regarding interracial dating and he encouraged me to do it. He was excited and proud of me and he thought it was a great idea.
And at the time, so did I.
I guess in my naiveté, I never once thought that my concise and explicit explanations would be twisted to fit an agenda. Boy, am I silly. No one would believe I have a BS in Journalism.
What surprised me the most was the backlash. Somehow I have become the poster child for interracial dating and my point was completely lost in translation.
Again, I can say, while I enjoy attention, I don’t enjoy this at all. I don’t enjoy the random e-mails from strangers who spent the day Googling and searching me out. Or the invites to speak on a conservative radio talk show with an “agenda.”
See, I am not saying that dating out of your race is a bad thing or a good thing. For me, it became an issue of who wanted to go out with me. Anyone who knows me, truly knows me, knows that I date any willing and able individual. I am fond of saying that I have my own 501(c)(3) – not-for-profit dating service.
So, with this in mind, talking about something that “is what it is”, didn’t seem to be an “issue” for me.
However, it is an issue for others. And I am fond of saying – “your issue, not mine.”
After receiving some real strange e-mails, I leapt out of my bed on Sunday morning and did a Google of my name. Finding the link to the article, I read voraciously and then an overwhelming sense of disaster overcame me.
The article was written in an “explosive” tone. It was intended to stir the pot. I am not a pot stirrer – I don’t even cook!
And when I received an e-mail from a Chris Amos of Army Times Publishing Company, where he basically put me on blast for “making broad sweeping statements about 15 million men” and accused me of self hate “because some trifling man that YOU CHOSE treated you badly,” I felt compelled to express myself.
I don’t owe anyone any explanation for anything that my 37-year-old self does legally. I am not a malicious person by any means and I don’t remember making any generalization about black men.
I can say that I am sick and tired of feeling like it’s my anointed duty to protect and serve the black man – I don’t remember signing up for that tour. I feel sympathy for the black man because he is a fragile and gentle creature that has never been allowed to be a man. I get that because I do know my history. But again, it ain’t my place to make you a man.
I am not a passive woman by any stretch of the imagination – remember, I started the BBWC cause I got tired of being treated poorly by men – didn’t say who. I don’t remember ever putting “the black man” on blast for being all the things that make women seek comfort elsewhere – and I don’t just mean the arms of a white man.
Matter of fact, I don’t even remember “praising” the white man. I said, “I’m not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems, I’m saying that they offer a different solution.”
I’m tired of being disrespected by any man – I don’t discriminate when I flip the bird. I’m tired of being treated like a second-class citizen – I’m a lady and I deserve and command respect. I’m tired of explaining myself – and I won’t ever again.
Mr. Amos went even further to spew the type of crap that you only hear on the Michael Baisden or the Steve Harvey radio shows. He said, and I quote, “Furthermore, the black women who are worth dating tend to have a man, no matter what race he might be.”
While that lends a “comforting thought,” – that all trifling women are at home alone where they belong – it is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. See, I am a woman more than “worthy” of dating. However, the quality of men out there makes me not want to date.
I’ve been on dates where men have expected me to pay, put out or do some sexually deviant activity – and those are the FIRST dates. So please don’t spew ignorance to me, cause I don’t spew it to you.
When my friends and I talk about dating and I suggest that they try “something new,” I express that a man is always a man regardless of color of skin. And I say that to mean, he is going to dog you if he is a dog. If it’s in him to hurt you, cheat on you, abuse you, then he will. Don’t get the swirl twisted.
I hope that you all read the article and get that there is more to life than the limits and restrictions we put on ourselves.
I still don’t sit around dreaming about the “perfect black man,” but if I could find one, I would scoop him up in a minute and I hope that he sees me and scoops me too. And if you know one who is secure in himself, open minded, open emotionally and intelligent, give him my e-mail and maybe we can chat. But until then, if its “Tom” that’s fitting the description, then it will be Tom’s arm I am on.
Oh, and when you see us, know I am with him because he allows me to be me and he doesn’t judge or criticize or make outrageous and sexist demands on me.
Peace and Love
