Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What is the BBWC?

My friend and I were dialoging about where I want to take the BBWC – is it positive or negative?
 
I started the BBWC because I was tired of the ill treatment from suitors and then the next day, I get a call from my deluded male friend – gotta love him – and he asks me if I read about the woman who drove 900 miles straight to Orlando, FL from Houston, TX to confront a rival love interest.
 
Now, upon hearing this, one would think “what a freaking nut!” And just when you think the story had reached its nutty potential, you find out the woman was carrying a bb gun, a large knife, mace, a wig and disguise, and, this is where it turns even weirder, diapers.
 
So now my curiosity is piqued. Diapers? What for? Well, this highly intelligent lovelorn woman is an astronaut and they wear diapers when orbiting and landing and she felt that she could get more road under her if she didn’t have to stop frequently for potty breaks. I get the logic there.
 
So, I am thinking to myself – wow, this highly intelligent woman snapped over a man. He must’ve had a magic stick!
 
But then I thought some more and I realized this woman that graduated from the Naval Academy and became a highly decorated naval officer had reached her boiling point. And then I began to feel for her. I mean deeply feel for her.
 
What pain she must have been in to leave her three children, twin 5-year-old son and daughter and teenage son, her husband of 19 years and a career that rock stars envy – and all for a man.
 
Friends and people who know Lisa Nowak say she was a kind and gentle woman who loved her children and loved her career. Some even speculate the pressures of being a female astronaut just got to be too much for her.
 
No one but Lisa really knows what pushed her.
 
But while the rest of the world laughs at her pain, I extend my heartfelt sympathies to her. I know the dark place you went to. I’ve felt so enraged that I could drive 900 miles on pure adrenaline. I know the bitter taste of rejection when you thought things were going well.
 
So, after hearing about this incident and debating with friends and other’s alike about how Lisa deserves some sympathy and that she should be cut some slack and that some should try to see things from her side, I’ve been left with this question: What is the BBWC all about? Is it to spread ill content? Is it to offer a haven for those fresh from unsuspected rejection? Or is it really here to help? Is it to offer a haven for those of similar pain to find comfort? Is it for women to know that they are not to blame for others' emotional baggage?
 
It’s all of them.
 
The BBWC is a space on the net where women who are hurting and need to know that they are not alone can come and feel safe and secure. The BBWC is a place where bitterness is sweet but only through healing. The BBWC is where one can come and not apologize for being angry or bitter or spiteful or vengeful. The BBWC is Mecca for those in need, and this is your altar call.
 
 
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Posted by BBWC at 11:54:48 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Why Be Bitter

The idea of the Bitter Black Woman Coalition came about as I was driving to work and talking to a male companion about yet another man dropping off the earth.

It appears that when I go out with a guy maybe once or twice -- never three or more times -- they don't return my call, they don't respond to my text messages or my e-mail, and, in some cases, they literally fall off the face of the earth.

Now, I'm a strong woman. I am intelligent and I have a fair amount of self-esteem. Also, I can take a hint. No, I don't need a house to fall on me to get that you aren't that into me.

But if we are planning an evening together and somewhere during the course of that day you decide that you aren't that in to me, isn't it just plain curiosity to call me and tell me that you've had a change of heart?

No, leaving me at home on a Saturday night in an outfit that I put so much thought and energy into to please you and to ensure that our date would be "special," is downright cruel.

So, while venting with my very understanding -- yet deluded -- male companion about how someone could be so rude and insensitive, I came up with the Bitter Black Woman Coalition.  A safe haven for women who have been left with the emotional baggage of cowardly men who can't handle confrontation.

In my rancorous tirade, I found clarity. It came to me that I am not alone in this. That there are other women -- black, white, asian and other -- who have been mistreated by a man -- or woman -- and left standing there with a dumb look on their faces and a hurt feeling within.

No, today, I take back my life.

I take back the me that I am and I no longer offer it to some worthless individual who doesn't appreciate the gem that I am.

Today, I resolve that I will no longer deal with the unrealistic and archaic expectations of a person who couldn't meet his own minimum requirements.

I no longer search for that soul mate or missing piece to my puzzle.

No, today, I accept who I am and I embrace my singular possibilities. I am a Beautiful Brilliant Woman of Color who embraces the Bitter Black Woman within.

So, sistas -- all my sistas -- if you too are tired or find yourself getting close to tired, then welcome to my Bitter Sweet World.....

Posted by BBWC at 15:38:50 | Permanent Link | Comments (6) |