My Buddy…
The first time I heard the term “Friend with benefits,” it was in an Alanis Morrisette song, “Head over Feet,” where she describes a blooming passionate romance with a friend. It was all so sweet and innocent – being gaga over someone who has been there all the time. Finding someone who embodies the characteristics you are looking for in a lover – and one of them being your friend.
I was reading a New York Times article, Friends with Benefits, and Stress Too, and I was left trying to figure out when something so innocent became something so sordid.
The article talks about a recent study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, where college students were interviewed and surveyed regarding a “friends with benefits” relationship. The researchers define the “friends with benefits” as being someone you are acquainted with but with whom you either have no passionate feelings or a committed relationship.
I get that it is hard out there for a pimp, and relationships are work, but are we living in a society where commitment and passion are completely off the table?
When I think of my “perfect mate,” the first thing I list is passion. I want to feel a strong desire for someone – whether it is sexual or truly love. I long for someone to touch me in a way where my entire body feels electricity or melts. Just describing these emotions, I can feel them. And that’s the beauty of passion.
It illicit an awakening of your spirit and causes your soul to stir. I often say, if they could bottle the euphoria of a new love and put it in da kool aid, the world would be a much happier place.
As for commitment, I have learned firsthand that there are very few people in the world who really understand what commitment is. While Webster defines commitment as the act of engaging oneself, most men akin commitment to being shackled and tied to one person.
I believe that a commitment is what you and your partner define it to be. I am not by any means a traditionalist when it comes to relationships – remember, I don’t believe in monogamy and many believe it is monogamy that enforces the commitment.
Please don’t think me prudish. I have had my fair share of purely sexual relationships. However, I never gave the “other” the title of friend. Friends are special to me and I try to preserve the relationships and not convolute it with sex and romantic emotions. I keep my male-female friendships purely platonic.
I am not judging the people who engage in a “friends with benefits” relationship. I am a firm believer in the adage “to each his own.” However, I do hope that they explore passion and commitment. I can’t necessarily say that passion and commitment are the answers, but I can say they lend a little insight into oneself and they assist in developing character.
After all, love makes the world go round.
